‘Football Fandom’ by Hijab Shah

 I've lived in six different countries over the course of 36 years, and Scotland feels like the place where I am the most at peace. Apart from the flag of Pakistan, The Saltire is the only other one that I have felt like I could claim as my own.

Prior to living in Scotland, I had only been to a handful of football matches with friends, participating in fandom mostly online but never really having the opportunity to be a stadium regular (and certainly never going alone).

It was at Dens Park in Dundee where I got my first taste of being part of a football community: braving cold afternoons on the South Stand’s rickety metal seats first with classmates and then by myself; explaining my accent at half time to the lads in the queue for tea and Bovril; cheering and groaning at the team’s ups and downs as part of a collective, blue-clad, bundled-up entity; and catching my neighbour’s eye as we both fought not to laugh at the man spewing expletives in front of his unfazed grandchildren.

“Home” for someone like me who has moved around so much is an elusive concept: there isn’t one city or country where I comprehensively feel a sense of belonging — I feel like I have different “homes” for different purposes in my life. 

Pakistan is “home” to my roots, my identity, and my beloved mountains. Birmingham (not England) is the “home” I was born in, and which 30-odd years later helped me escape a toxic work environment and rest my burnt-out self. And Scotland is the “home” I’ve twice arrived at during pivotal, transformational moments in my life, where I have felt the most at peace, and found belonging in the unlikeliest of places (such as the South Stand at Den’s Park).

 As a Pashtun, I can’t help but notice the parallels between Scottish history and culture, and that of my own people. Both peoples have been typecast in history — paradoxically— as warriors and poets. Both have historically been subjugated and colonized, and have had independence movements that were violently quashed; but despite that, both have managed to keep their respective cultures, languages, and traditions alive to this day. Clan tartans are reminiscent of the different “Chayl” shawls worn by Pashtun women, where each village is represented by a different design (ours is white with what looks like a brown macaroni pattern). And, most importantly, both cultures have an innate warmth that doesn’t translate in quite the same way to the rest of Pakistan or the UK. These shares similarities are what immediately made me feel connected to Scotland, and where walking down a street in Glasgow feels as familiar as walking down a street in Peshawar.